I have not posted in awhile. Instead, I have been taking in the land and deepening my relationships with the things that are present here. There is a kind of quiet and peace that grows strong when one has space to live simply, to return to an awareness of place. I am so thankful for this beautiful land and all of the people who pass through, for those who stay, and for the many animals and plants that give us so much. The cycles of life have been very full this spring, with birth, and this week – with death. One of our baby goats, the oldest and strongest, passed away from eating a kind of toxic plant that lives on the land – perhaps lupine or larkspur. Goats are very smart and intuitive creatures and when they graze on the land they know which plants to eat and which not to. Occasionally a young goat will not be able to discern this instinctively the way the others can. For three days Gracie suffered and we did not know the cause – as the other goats were all strong. We cared for her and tended to her day and night, the way you would a person that was sick and that you love. We did all we could and when we discovered that her excruciating pain would be drawn out in a long death, it was recommended to us by a friend who has been a goat midwife/herder for years that the most compassionate thing we could do to help her would be to drown her and end her suffering. Five of us went to the pond together to honor her and Jan walked her into the water and held her there until she passed. A song was sung as she moved on and we all thanked her and grieved for her on the bank of the pond. A grave was dug beneath a willow tree, and we all gave thanks for her life and sent her into the earth with offerings of flowers and tears. And as difficult as it is to process, I am grateful to have been so present for the entire cycle of a life, from her birth and through the transformation of death. Many questions were answered and many more arise, but I have learned so much about the land, about grief and sacrifice, and felt more strongly the presence of those mysteries that are beyond our understanding.
Here are some pictures of a beautiful sunset we witnessed a few weeks ago. We all rushed outside to admire it together.
